FEELING LOST

I HAVE BEEN FEELING LOST LATELY.

THIS LAST YEAR HAS BEEN HORRENDOUS!

THREE ULCERS ON MY FOOT, AN ALMOST BROKEN TOE,

STITCHES IN THUMB, SHOTS IN KNEE, AND PROBLEMS I WON'T MENTION.

I HAVEN'T BEEN SWIMMING FOR OVER A YEAR.

I SLEEP ALL THE TIME.

(POSSIBLY BECAUSE I'M UP EVERY 2 HOURS TO GO TO BATHROOM)

I FEEL UNPRODUCTIVE.

I USED TO DO 2 BIG PROJECTS A MONTH.

NOW?  NOTHING.  

I FEEL LUCKY TO GET MY LAUNDRY PACKED UPSTAIRS!
(FORGET GETTING IT DOWNSTAIRS)
I FOLLOW SEVERAL TEACHER BLOGS, AND WONDER
HOW THEY DO IT ALL!
FAMILIES, HOMES, THE CUTEST CLASSROOMS,
THEY READ 7 OR 8 BOOKS A MONTH,
AND HAVE THE CUTEST BLOGS!
MAYBE THEY DON'T CHECK PAPERS AS MUCH AS I DID!

ON JULY 15, I WENT TO KALLIN BAGLEY'S MISSION FAREWELL

AND LIZ FINLAYSON'S MISSION HOMECOMING.

THE NEXT SUNDAY, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO

CADEN SNELL'S HOMECOMING IN KAYSVILLE, BUT AUNT PAT

WASN'T THERE SO WE DIDN'T GO.  WE HAD COLE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY 
IN GENOLA AT 5:30. 
 IT WAS TOO MUCH TO DRIVE TO KAYSVILLE, THEN GENOLA.

ANYWAY, WE WENT TO OUR REGULAR WARD.

A MAN I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE, STOOD UP AT THE PULPIT TO

BEGIN SACRAMENT MEETING.

WHAT?????

WE HAD A NEW BISHOP!

WE HAD NEVER EVER SEEN HIM BEFORE!

APPARENTLY HE HAD LIVED IN HAYMAKER FOR OVER 5 YEARS!!!
HE WAS SUSTAINED THE WEEK BEFORE, WHEN I WASN'T THERE.
NO ONE TOLD US.

I FEEL OUT OF PLACE IN MY WARD.

I ALWAYS HAVE SINCE WE MOVED HERE ALMOST

12 YEARS AGO!
IT'S HARD NOT HAVING A CONNECTION WITH ANY
MEMBER OF THE BISHOPRIC.
(AT LEAST KNOW MY NAME!)

I KNOW VERY FEW PEOPLE.

WHEN I WAS IN THE STAKE RELIEF SOCIETY PRESIDENCY,

I KNEW MORE PEOPLE IN THE OTHER WARDS!

I FEEL LIKE I AM JUST GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS.

SACRAMENT MEETING, SUNDAY SCHOOL, RELIEF SOCIETY.

THE FORMAT OF RELIEF SOCIETY CHANGED THIS YEAR.

LESSONS ARE DIFFERENT.

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DISCUSS MORE.

EXCEPT, IN MY WARD, THE RELIEF SOCIETY MEETS

IN THE CHAPEL, BECAUSE WE HAVE OVER 300 SISTERS!

AND . . . EVERYONE WHO COMMENTS, WILL NOT WAIT

FOR THE MICROPHONE TO BE BROUGHT TO THEM.  
THEREFORE, YOU CANNOT HEAR!

THERE IS NO MORE VISITING TEACHING/HOME TEACHING.

EVEN THOUGH OUR ASSIGNED COUPLE WERE IN THEIR

LATE 80'S AND MID-90'S, AND THEY HAD TO RESCHEDULE

ABOUT HALF OF THE TIME BECAUSE THEY FORGOT,

I MISS THEM.  NOW, THEY ARE "MINISTERS."

BASICALLY, THEY NOW ASK ABOUT EVERY 3 MONTHS

HOW WE ARE DOING.

MY MOM AND I ARE NOT ASSIGNED TO ANYONE.

WE USED TO VISIT TEACH KATHLEEN ZONTS AND

JOLENE DIXON.

KATHLEEN MOVED.

JOLENE PASSED AWAY IN FEBRUARY.

WE WERE MOVED TO A NEW BUILDING IN JANUARY.

IT IS ON THE PROPERTY WHERE OUR STAKE

WELFARE FARM WAS WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,

AND UNTIL ABOUT 1990.

IT IS CLEAR DOWN BY THE DISTRICT

BUS GARAGE, CLOSE TO THE LAKE.

MY FIRST CHURCH CALLING WAS WHEN I WAS 12,

AND WAS THE BEEHIVE SECRETARY.

IN 9TH GRADE, I WAS SACRAMENT MEETING PIANIST.

I PLAYED WITH THE ORGANIST.
I WAS ALSO A PRIMARY TEACHER AT THE
DEVELOPMENTAL CENTER FOR 2 YEARS
WITH MARILYN SYKES.

AT DIXIE COLLEGE, I WAS SACRAMENT MEETING PIANIST

AND BRANCH MUSIC CHAIRMAN.

I ALSO WAS A VISITING TEACHER, AND ON THE
BRANCH COUNCIL.

AT BYU, I WAS CALLED AS WARD LIBRARIAN.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO SIT IN THESE SILVER BUILDINGS

WHERE THEY HAD THE SUPPLIES, IN CASE SOMEONE CAME.

AFTER ONE SEMESTER, MY MOM PICKED ME UP

ON FRIDAYS, AND RETURNED ME ON SUNDAY EVENINGS.
I JUST COULDN'T DO IT.

DURING MY TEACHING YEARS, I SERVED IN THE LDS CHURCH

IN THE FOLLOWING CALLINGS:

PRIMARY TEACHER

WARD YOUNG WOMEN SPORTS DIRECTOR

WARD YOUNG WOMEN CAMP DIRECTOR

STAKE YOUNG ADULT CHAIRMAN

PRIMARY PIANIST . . . 5 TIMES

PRIMARY SECRETARY . . . 2 TIMES

SACRAMENT MEETING CHORISTER

STAKE YOUNG WOMEN'S SPORTS DIRECTOR . . . 11 YEARS

RELIEF SOCIETY TEACHER AT DEVELOPMENTAL CENTER

RELIEF SOCIETY PIANIST

RELIEF SOCIETY LITERACY SPECIALIST

 ORDINANCE WORKER AT MT. TIMPANOGOS TEMPLE.

(RELEASED.  CALLED FOR 2 YEARS, SERVED 16.)
STAKE RELIEF SOCIETY SECRETARY.

I WAS RELEASED IN APRIL OF 2017 AS STAKE RELIEF SOCIETY

 SECRETARY.  I HAD 3 DIFFERENT STAKE CALLINGS FOR 20 YEARS.
I HAVE NOT HAD A CALLING SINCE.

MY POOR MOM HAS NEVER HAD A CALLING SINCE

WE MOVED HERE.

I USED TO GO TO THE TEMPLE MANY TIMES

A YEAR . . . DOING AS MANY AS 250 ORDINANCES A YEAR!

(SEALINGS AND INITIATORIES INCLUDE SEVERAL AT ONCE)

NOW, I GET TO THE TEMPLE ONLY ONCE OR TWICE A MONTH.

I GUESS I NEED TO WORK ON MYSELF, BEFORE I CAN

SERVE OTHERS.

I LOVED BEING PIANIST, BUT I FEEL MY

BEST WORK WAS DONE IN THE STAKE YOUNG WOMEN,

AS PRIMARY SECRETARY,

AND STAKE RELIEF SOCIETY SECRETARY.

WHEN I WAS RELEASED LAST APRIL, I SPENT

HOURS PREPARING TO PASS MY BOOK ALONG.

I THEN SPENT 5 DAYS WITH THE NEW SECRETARY,

3 HOURS EACH.  I FINALLY TOLD HER IT WAS

HER CALLING.

TWO WEEKS LATER, SHE SAID SHE SOLVED THE PROBLEM.

SHE DIVIDED EVERYTHING UP THAT I DID,  AMONG THE
 REST OF THE PRESIDENCY!

SHE JUST TAKES NOTES AT MEETINGS!

WELL . . . BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

I COULD BE A SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER, 

IN THE NURSERY, OR SINGLE ADULTS.

YIKES!!!

I KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT MY CALLING

IS TO ATTEND THE TEMPLE.

I NEED TO DO MUCH BETTER WITH THAT!!!
I KNOW READING MY SCRIPTURES AND PRAYER
WILL ALSO HELP.
I NEED TO DO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.
I NEED TO DO BETTER WITH EVERYTHING!

OR . . . IS MY PROBLEM IS THAT IN LESS THAN 100 DAYS, I WILL BE 60???
**GASP**
I REMEMBER THAT WHEN I STARTED JR HIGH, 
MY GRANDMA HOWARD WAS 60!!!
60 YEARS OLD.  NO HUSBAND.  NO CHILDREN.  NO GRANDCHILDREN.
COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT MY
PATRIARICHAL BLESSING PROMISED.

MAYBE THIS HAS ME SOOOO WORRIED THAT MY
LATTER DAYS WILL BE TERRIBLE, BECAUSE NO ONE
WILL FEEL OBLIGATED TO HELP ME, OR HELP ME
WITH MY LONELINESS.

I REALLY NEED TO GET ON THE BALL WITH MY
WEIGHT LOSS AND HEALTH.

(ON A GOOD NOTE, I'M LOVING THE
HALLMARK CHANNEL MOVIES!!!)

I THINK THE LAST DAYS ARE HERE . . . 

***SINCE WRITING THIS POST, I HAVE ATTENDED
THE TEMPLE ONCE.
MY MOM AN I WERE CALLED TO MINISTER (VISIT TEACH)
JEAN BONE.  HER FIRST HUSBAND WAS REID & LAUREL'S BISHOP.